It's been one month since I updated my blog and longer than that since I've put anything of importance on here.
I'll be honest, this past month has been the hardest month, not only since I've moved to Haiti, but probably of my life. I have been incredibly stressed and the thought of composing an uplifting and/or inspiring post only added to my levels of stress. Not only had I given up on my own blog, but I also haven't read any of the blogs I normally follow for weeks.
Volunteers and new missionaries often come down to Haiti and comment on how difficult this place is. I normally get annoyed when I hear these comments and think to myself that this is place isn't all that hard. Sure we work our buts off, sure we give up a lot of stuff to be here, and are faced with incredibly heartbreaking realities every day; but if this is where we are supposed to be, then it shouldn't be hard. This past month however I have had to eat my words. I have learned first hand how hard Haiti is to live in.
I can't put my finger on exactly what makes it difficult or whats been stressing me out so much. It's probably a list of all sorts of things. This past month I have been feeling the weight of all of it. I've struggled. I've been an awful grumpy person and in a bad mood more often then not.
But through all of this stress, theres on thing I keep thinking. Theres a common phrase in Haiti that I hear constantly.
"Bondye Konn," God Knows.
Whenever something bad happens, a simple Bondye Konn is usually suffice. When a child passes away, God knows. When someone is sick and or suffering, God Knows. When we aren't able to give employment to someone who desperately needs it, God Knows. When I have to turn away an old man with a growth the size of a soft ball on his jaw, God Knows. When I'm stressed out beyond belief, wishing my children had passports so we could hide on some deserted island with just the four of us, when Nick and I are about to kill each other, and when I feel like I'm about to go insane, God Knows.
Nick and I were able to take a family vacation last weekend with our boys, and it couldn't have come at a better time. We so badly needed it. We needed to get away and not think of COTP. To focus on our family and to rejuvenate ourselves. God Knew. He knew we needed a break and he provided that opportunity for us. It doesn't happen often, but it happened at the exact right time! God Knew!
More updates to come!
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